Spring is here, which means one thing: it's officially time to start freaking the FUCK out about getting into a bathing suit soon.
30 day countdown to your best summer body. Bikini body workouts. How to get a summer body. 10 ways to get summer body ready. How to get a hot body in 7 steps.
Above are all ACTUAL returns on a "summer body" google search. (Which I REALLY didn't want to do... oh the things I do for you... le sigh).
Listen. If the words above just gave you a mini anxiety attack (or broke your eyeballs from rolling them so hard *raises hand*), I've got something for you.
Just a few REAL IMPORTANT reminders, as you navigate "summer's almost here" season and field advice coming at you all over the internet for getting abs, tight booties, or toned arms in time for your vacation. *insert epic Liz Lemon eye roll here pls*
You ready? Listen up:
10 tips to prep FOR BEACH SEASON:
1. The beach does not give a single fuck what body you bring to it or what you wear.
2. You do NOT need to earn the right to enjoy the beach or wear a bathing suit. This is not reserved for one specific body type or aesthetic. No abs, no problem.
3. People's opinions of you or your body are actually not about you at all. It's about their own insecurities with themselves and how you remind them of that. It's not your job to make them comfortable, it's your job to be comfortable with yourself. Let's stop handing out our fucks to put bandaids on other people's problems, shall we?
4. You are a grown ass woman who can wear whatever the fuck she damn well pleases. Wear a thong and pasties, a tank-ini or anything in between-- I don't give a shit and neither should you. So long as you like it, there's no wrong way to dress yourself or your "body type".
5. You might not fit into last year's summer clothes and this is both ok and completely normal, cuz the only one constant you can expect from your body is that it is going to change. Don't freak out, just treat yoself to some fresh threads and fix your crown.
6. Anybody telling you how to get a "bikini body" is someone you should distance yourself from. (Read: every one of those websites referenced above). EVERY body is a "bikini body" if it's wearing a fucking bikini, so don't let anyone make you feel like there's some elite prerequisite to wearing one, k?
7. You are not your body. You are more than abs, cellulite, stretch marks or muscles. Your masterpiece is your life and the lives you impact, not your goddamn swimsuit size or silhouette.
8. Every single body on earth deserves the feeling of sand between their toes, sun on their bare skin, and swimming in the warm ocean. You are worthy of happiness, relaxation, and enjoying the earth, as you are right now. Mother nature doesn't give a flying shit about your love handles, she just wants to feel your connection.
9. Even the people with "perfect" bodies (whatever the fuck that is??) struggle with insecurities, because guess what? Wanting to be accepted and liked, and fear of rejection or that we are somehow not good enough for what we really want, are all natural human tendencies. And (spoiler alert) we are all human. So before you start think, "well, easy for her to wear/say/etc..." remember you're actually not alone here -- we're all in this together, mama. Find comfort in the collective compassion and spread the love, not the judgement.
10. Don't worry what other people are thinking of you because not only is it none of your business (see #3), but chances are good they aren't actually thinking of you at all (see #9). What a relief, right?
So. Show up how you are, wear what you want, and have some damn fun on the beach in your body, queen.